As December comes to an end, I've been reflecting upon my life. 2010 has been one of the craziest years of my life. I turned 23, graduated college, almost got kicked out of the house, broke up with someone I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, rekindled friendships that are so dear to me, fell in love again, and really started to commit myself into having a relationship with Jesus.
As I think upon these past 12 months, I'm hit with waves of nostalgia. Where I am is a million miles away from where I thought I was going to be. I'm filled with worry, anxiety, and fear... but at the same time, I know that my God is going to provide me with anything and everything I will ever want or need in my life. I just need to learn to trust in Him more.
I have lost a lot of relationships this past summer and I wish things weren't this way. I am praying for those people whose hearts are so bitter towards me. I just need to be patient and give them some time to forgive me. It sucks waiting when all I want is to be normal with them, which probably is selfish of me, but I will wait. I don't want to give up on relationships that were at one point so strong that I would have given up my life for them without a second's hesitation. I still would do that for them. I just hope they know that...
Marriage is something that I've thought a lot about this past year as well. As most of my friends are now getting engaged or have already gotten married, it's been weighing on my mind a lot. Especially since after Sam and I broke up, I realized how close we were to have gotten married. With all of the underlying problems we had that didn't surface until this summer, I can't even begin to imagine what a disaster it would have been if we had taken that next step forward in our relationship.
Anyways, enough dwelling on the past. I realized that I made the mistake of changing who I was in order to please someone else. He is not at all to blame completely for the demise of our relationship. In fact, I take more of the blame because I was the one that let myself sit by and change for someone who I loved. I found someone who loves me for who I am. We've been friends for about 5 years and I think that helped immensely. Normally, I'll date someone new.. someone that I meet and grow interest in. This time, we grew in our friendship over the summer and eventually started dating. The difference between this relationship and all of the other ones prior is that we are going to keep it God-centered. I think that this is the reason why it's been so successful so far.